Turkey Tips: A Guide to Being a Host Like a Man

Thanksgiving Turkey Tips

If you are like me, you don’t have a ticket to one of the Turkey day match ups. You will probably be watching the games from the comfort of your own home, and you probably have family coming to visit you. That’s because you remember the last time you had thanksgiving somewhere besides your own home. You were trying to stuff your face while looking for any sign of technology available in order to catch a glimpse of score, let alone which player scored and how. One of the best ways to get people into your home for thanksgiving, is by bribing them with copious amounts of food and beer. Here are some tips for hosting Thanksgiving and making sure you have football locked on your tv.

Alcohol

There are three main groups of alcohol. You need to have a decent sized supply of all three. Beer can start out by having a couple of really nice craft brews. Along with the craft brews you are going to have to have a choice of an American lager (think Coors, Miller, Bud). It may not be your first choice, but dear old uncle Jed has failed to mature as a beer drinker. Wine is pretty easy, everyone will act like they know wines, but here is a secret: nobody knows wines. My guess is you know one thing, red or white. Therein lies your direction for wine. You need a nice red wine, I would recommend a Merlot, and a nice white wine that is hinted with fruit, think chardonnay or even a white zinfandel if you have fairly inexperienced wine drinkers attending. If you do have a bunch of Uncle Jed’s coming, maybe just get a nice big box of Franzia and let the party get started. Last, but not least, is the liquor. When I think holiday party, I don’t think Martinis. I would suggest having a nice white rum on hand and a really nice scotch. The rum can be used to make a cornucopia of drinks, and the scotch? Well scotch is just delicious.

TV

Let’s start out with the bane of every football fans existence. The Macy’s Day Parade. It’s more of an issue for the people on the Western side of North America, but the Green Bay Packers take on the Detroit Lions promptly at 12:30 pm EST. That means for my friends in the mountain time zone and anyone to the west of we mountain folk, the middle of the parade is right during the start of a perfectly good football game. That’s not even the worst part. Macy’s decided they are going to replay the parade right in the middle of the Oakland Raiders and Dallas Cowboys match up. Here are your options. First, you can set up two TV’s in the living room. The smaller, more insignificant TV will have giant balloons walking around Manhattan on mute, and the second enormous flat screen, will be hooked up to surround sound waiting for the clash of man battle that is football. Your second option is to put the TV on the channel you want and hide the remote. Just to be safe, you better take out the batteries and hide them in a separate location as well.

FOOD!

I am not here to teach you how to cook a turkey. To be honest, it takes a couple years to get a turkey cooked correctly anyway. What I can do is give you a couple recipes for some mean sides that would make even Nana Lucy think she did right by you. On the other hand, this could turn into a readable version of Epic Meal Time, so bear with me.

Sweet Smokies

• 1 pkg. little smokies, 1 pkg. bacon, 1lb. of brown sugar, tooth picks
• Cut raw bacon into thirds. Wrap bacon around little smokies and secure with a toothpick. Place on tin foil covered pan. Sprinkle brown sugar over smokies. Bake 50-60 minutes at 350 degrees, or until caramelized.
• Alternate option: Instead of one pkg of bacon get three. Instead of cutting into thirds, you wrap that whole slice of bacon around one smokie. Be a man.

Queso Dip

• 1 lb. Hamburger, 1 lb Jimmy Deans breakfast sausage, 1 can of cream of mushroom soup, 2 cans of Rotel tomatoes with green chiles, 1 small can of chopped green chiles, 2 lbs of Velveeta cheese, 1 – 12oz can of evaporated milk.
• Brown meats in a skillet and drain. Mix soup, milk, tomatoes, chilies, cheese and meats into a crock pot and warm until cheese melts.
• Alternate option: What are veggies doing in an appetizer? Take out the tomatoes and chiles and add another type of meat.

Covered Oreo Candy

• 1 pkg Oreo Cookies, crushed, 1 – 8oz cream cheese (softened), 1 pkg. chocolate flavored almond bark (candy coating)
• Put Oreo cookies through food processor, chopping cookies into fine pieces. Work (in a kneading fashion) softened cream cheese into crushed cookie crumbs. Roll into bite sized balls and place on wax paper. Place in freezer for two hours or overnight. Once frozen, place toothpick into balls and coat with melted chocolate and lay back on wax paper. Remove toothpick and allow to cool.

Alternate option: Instead of using a food processor, use your man fists and crush those cookies.

When all is said and done, Turkey day is really about two things: football and food. Hopefully, the tips above will help you avoid any shenanigans from family and friends who clearly have the wrong idea of this sacred holiday.

Shawn Luskey | Turkey Tips: A Guide to Being a Host Like a Man - Gridiron Experts